7 Things You Should Never Say to Your Children

4. “Hurry up and get ready!” // “Let’s hurry, I need you to get dressed, please.”

This is a phrase that really stressed a child out. They can easily feel guilty and then sad for “slowing you down,” which could result in a meltdown that will make you even later. This also confuses them as they may need specifics on what “getting ready” means.

Rather than pin it on them, make it general: “we all need to hurry up” or “let’s hurry.” Then give them specific instructions on what needs to be done and always end with a “please.”

5. “Big boys/girls don’t get scared.” // “What’s scaring you? Here’s what it really is…”

Invalidating their fear of the monster under the bed isn’t doing any good. This will get embarrass your kids and make them feel like fear is a shameful emotion.

Try asking them what’s scaring them. Once you get to the root of the problem, show them that they have nothing to worry about; check under the bed with them, ect.

6. “Listen to adults.” // “Listen to your parents.”

Now this one can be seriously dangerous if kids interpret it the wrong way, which is easy for them to do. You might tell your children to listen to all adults because you want them to respect the teachers at school or your adult friends, but this can set a dangerous precedent.

Telling them to listen to “adults” in general will make them think all adults are good and wise, when we know there are some adults out there looking to harm children. Instead, specify who they should listen to, like parents, teachers, and so on.

7. “Stop crying.” // “Why are you crying? What happened?”

It’s easy for a child to hear this and connotate that emotions = bad. This might cause your kids to grow up silent and withdrawn, with suppressed emotions that may manifest in unhealthy ways later in life.

Rather than commanding them to stop, start a dialogue with them about why they’re crying. Not only will they tell you something important (like, I hurt myself) but it will let them know that their feelings are valid.