Whoever said that relationships were easy most likely read way too many fairytales when they were a kid! Sure, a strong attraction and a serendipitous series of romantic events can quickly propel a courting situation into something serious, but when the honeymoon period ends, and that “love high” wears off, the real work begins.
While we love to spread sage advice about what to do to make relationships last, we thought it was about time that we flipped the whole idea on its head! Here are 5 things that you should either never do, or quit doing, if you are hoping to keep that special connection with your partner strong into the future.
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Make false accusations
Whether it be something as trivial as blaming your lover for taking that last popsicle from the freezer, psychologist Dr. Tom Jordan says that making false accusations like this is can transform into emotional abuse.
To combat this dangerous behavior, the doctor suggests altering your language to better communicate your feelings. For instance, instead of starting your sentences with an accusatory “you,” begin them with “I feel____ when you____.”
It’s a small change that can really help organize your thoughts and keep both you and your partner civil during any disagreements that may arise.
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Spend more time with your phone than your lover
It’s safe to say that most of us have a hard time setting boundaries when it comes to our devices. As a matter of fact, a 2014 Pew Research poll found that 1 in 4 cell phone owners felt that their partners spent too much time on their phones.
So, guys and gals, put down those cell phones and power down those tablets. If your technological devices are more interesting to you than the person who’s lying next to you in bed, then perhaps it’s time to make some changes.
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You routinely respond with passive aggressive behavior
Preston Ni with Psychology Today asserts that this elusive and uber-frustrating behavior can show itself in a variety of ways, including: negative gossip, sarcasm, the dreaded “silent treatment“, excusing making, unreasonable blaming, procrastinating, stubbornness, sabotage, self-harm, and victimhood.
Unless you’ve yet to be in a serious relationship, then we doubt you have steered clear of each and every one of these behaviors. After all, with commitment comes fear, and even the most rational can, at times, lose their sense of equality.
Ni suggests that “passive aggressives” participate in some objective introspection so that they can better focus in on what makes them become reactive instead of proactive.
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